Foreigner affairs

God save the Queen
The fascist regime
That made you a moron
               'God Save The Queen' The Sex Pistols

I had a job interview yesterday and I didn't come home feeling like an absolute fuckwit!! Regardless of the outcome...success!!

Spent the morning self-hypnoing for calm confidence and also clear speaking, as I am a speed talker at the best of times but go Formula 1 under stress and a few people here have enough problems with my accent as it is.  I don't have a hugely broad Australian accent by Australian standards, but the drawl does appear to overcome some delicate souls.  God knows how they would cope with me and some of my friends at home rabbiting on in full sheila flight after a few drinks, their eardrums would probably explode!

Anyway, was nervous but under control nervous and I didn't get any 'what the hell did you just say' looks and they said nice things about my skills and experience.  All good, it might not translate into an actual job, but I feel positive about the whole thing and like I could do it again without acute terror or the use of prescription drugs. Happy!

For my next trick I will now spend the next week stuffing my brains full of fascinating facts about British history and lifestyle for the Life In The UK test I'm taking next Friday.  For those of you that don't know, the Life In The UK test is for foreigners to prove that they know more about British history and lifestyle than British citizens, thereby proving said foreigners barely worthy of having their feet on British soil.  The UK Border Agency doesn't quite put it that way on their website, I'm not sure why.

Yes, after two years of wafting along on my settlement visa, it is time for me to apply for permanent UK residency and it's safe to say I'm freaking out a bit but nowhere near as much as I will be in three weeks when the application goes in and I'm sitting around waiting for the Border Agency to decide my future for me.  What happens if they tell me to bugger off? The kindest man in the world reckons if worst comes to worst and my application is refused he's packing up everything here and moving back to Australia with me and never looking back but life is rarely that simple and my life certainly bloody isn't.

Self hypno required to calm the hell down I think.  I am definitely still scarred by the experience of applying for my settlement visa two years ago, which was wall to wall stress compounded by the fact that once the application goes in nobody tells you anything until you get your passport back weeks or months later with a visa stuck in it. Oh, and that they have your future in your hands, and that if you leave out any part of the application or any evidence whatsoever, they refuse your application and you have to apply again and cough up ANOTHER seven hundred quid. Aaaaaagggghhhhhhh!!!!

This is part of the reason I get so irate with the BNP and the EDL and all these other fucktards who go on and on about immigrants and how easy it is for bloody foreigners to come here and become a citizen and suck Britain dry, apparently. Really, well come over my place and help me fill out the fekkin' fifty page form and collate a ream of evidence and study for the Life In The UK test and drive me fifty miles to fekkin' Leeds to do the test and find me seven hundred quid to pay for the application and then after I put the application in, come around and provide comforting words while I rock catatonically in the corner for weeks waiting for the outcome which will determine which fekkin' hemisphere I live in. If you're going to be racist and isolationist, at least get your bloody facts straight!!

This whole being an immigrant in waiting thing is beyond weird and is made weirder by the conversations I have with people who ask if I'm Australian and tell me they have relatives in Sydney or Adelaide and isn't it wonderful that I came here to live with my husband, and then proceed to tell me that immigrants are ruining Britain and they should stop more people coming in. What the actual fuck?!  Am I not a foreigner because I'm white and speak English?!!

Must find a way of getting through the next few weeks without mega-stressing, having a minor breakdown or going into full on rant mode (no, the above wasn't full on rant mode - scary innit haha).  In the end, all you can do is your best with what you've got and after that let the cards fall where they may, because they will anyway.  I don't know how I got to this stage in life still assuming that I can control everything, especially given the grand vista of weird shit I've been through.  Or maybe I'd just really, really like to think I could. Anyway, not gonna happen, so deal with it woman!

When I was little, my mum had a mug which read 'Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved'. I still have that mug, but obviously haven't drunk out of it enough because the lesson still hasn't sunk in.  Doesn't mean you have to stop working or caring or trying, but letting things unfold rather than trying to force an outcome makes life a bloody sight easier.

I keep saying it, you never know what good stuff is around the corner. Best not get into a car smash just before the corner because you got impatient and had to control everything.  Remind me I said all this when I'm rocking catatonically in the corner in a few weeks' time.