You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. - Oprah Winfrey
I have the flu. Again. Actually I'm not sure if it's three flus in the last four weeks, or the same flu that pretended to go away and then pounced back on me ninja style when I was lulled into a false sense of non-fluey security. Not happy about this, but feeling quite positive about other stuff which is good because I had what I think is an illness-induced meltdown on Friday night. As it turned out even that had a positive because I corrected myself instantly when complaining about my inability to change. No, said Sandy, I can change, just some days it appears more difficult than others. Success!!
I really do feel like a big pile of poo this morning, sore throat and banging headache, but at the same time I'm kind of buzzing with creative energy. One of the things I've been doing with the self hypno 'dissociation-reintegration' stuff is suggesting to my unconscious mind that one of the things that should replace the negative shite is creativity. I've always been a pretty good ideas person but feel my creative side has been stifled somewhat and by that I don't mean just my ability to write, paint, or do traditional 'creative' things but come up with creative solutions to issues.
Let's face it, life is a complex thing and sometimes 'normal' ways of doing things don't cut it. Or as Oprah once said, keep doing the same thing and you'll get the same result. I can't believe I've quoted Oprah, let alone twice in the one blog. Doesn't matter because it probably wasn't her quote anyway, but you get where I'm coming from. What's the point of banging your head against a wall because the thing you've done to try and change your life has failed 300 times, even though it's what you 'should' be doing? Obviously it's not your lack of effort, or you wouldn't have done it 300 times. Sometimes different tactics are called for and it takes a bit of lateral thinking to find out what they are.
The hypno is one of the different tactics for me and I'm hoping from that more expansive ideas will come on how I can make my life better, in all ways. I bang on about my weight and that's obviously a big issue (pardon the pun) which I'd like to resolve. I'd like to expand my creative life. There's an artist in me trying to get out. That sounds like a major wank but is basically true. I'd like to think more outside the box. Some would say I'm far enough out of the box already but you don't know what awesome ideas Sandy will come up with once she loses the fear of being laughed at, or worse, given that 'oh dear, what's she on about now' look.
I got that look growing up. A lot. Largely because I was a slightly off the wall kid living in the land of 'what yer wanter do THAT for'. Let's just say that outer suburban Brisbane in the seventies and eighties was not a hive of creative energy and the height of my aspirations was meant to be a nice job in a shop until I got married and spawned. Which is fine if you want to work in a shop until you get married and spawn, but is a bit of an arse if you don't. My father didn't even want me to finish high school for fuck's sake. Waste of time, all that reading, if you're only going to get a nice job in a shop until some bloke says 'you'll do'.
I'm slightly or very pissed off with myself that I allowed all that to hold me back and that even when I went all 'in your face, expectations!' by going to uni as a mature age student I probably didn't get everything out of it I could have because I didn't really think I belonged there. Why the hell not?? I belong anywhere I want to be, end of.
The only mental limits we have in life are the ones we put on ourselves. The only person who can remove those limits is us.
Missions for today: self hypno and thinking outside the box. I've got some catching up to do. Fortunately, I also have the power to do it.
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