Onwards!

Of science and the human heart, there is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart, just when you quit
                             'Miracle Drug' U2

Occurred to me yesterday in my still flu addled state that I've done a lot of philosophising on this blog lately but not a lot of updating on actual progress (smack botbot). The whole self help malarkey is going pretty well, I think.  I didn't get to see hypno-dude last Saturday after all, as he was ill and has had to reschedule, so he may have something different to say when I see him next. He's got a reputation for being a bit of a hardarse, which I haven't really seen yet. Could change haha.

Overall the self hypno is, I think, going really well now. Seem to be able to get in the zone and stay there for a good twenty-five minutes to half an hour without any hassle.  Have had to work on a few practicalities to achieve this idyllic Zen state, including keeping the Kransky sisters under control.  The Kranskys be our cat and dog, Kira and Cara, who as stepsisters get on pretty well but occasionally the cat element likes to stir the pot by unsettling the dog element...usually when you are on the phone, deeply involved in a TV programme or, in my case, trying to nuke my brain into positive action with the self hypno. I don't think wanting to strangle one of our furred companions is really a desirable outcome of working towards and achieving an alpha state. Solution, when self hyno-ing one of the Kranskys is locked out of the room. Ahhhh, peace.

I should explain that the Kranskys are named after The Kransky Sisters, an Aussie comedy act the premise of which is three elderly stepsisters who put a happy family face on and yet are massively suspicious of each other. Pretty much sums it up as far as the furry Kranskys are concerned.

Self confidence wise...going pretty well too. I don't call myself a stupid bitch anywhere near as often and when you have spent most of the last few decades calling yourself a stupid bitch every 6.3 seconds on average that's pretty good going. I am neither stupid nor a bitch. I do know it really but it has been very, very easy to revert to stupid bitch mode under duress or when things aren't going to plan. Which let's face it in modern life is pretty much all the time, for all of us. Best learn not to blame ourselves for the foibles of the 21st century. We might think we're shit at times but you can't really blame yourself for the accumulation of centuries of social disintegration. Even I can't hate myself THAT much.

The kindest man in the world, who has been keeping a close eye on the self help proceedings, also thinks the whole self beating uppage on my part has drastically decreased, so it's not just me lulling myself into a hippy dippy sense of self satisfaction. Success!!

Still thinking about the whole projecting confidence thing and trying to do it when I remember, which unfortunately is not that often. Not deliberate but keeping all the balls in the air is not my forte. So semi success on that one.  I do have a new hairdo and am looking at my wardrobe.  I mean I'm not just looking at the wardrobe, that would be weird, I'm looking at my clothes and what I'd like them to say about me other than I really, really love Dr Martens.  Ideally I would like to project an off the wall confidence and competence...because if it's not off the wall, it ain't me. The idea of this exercise is enhancement, not erasure. I don't want to be anything other than me, just the upgraded super-luxe rockstar version. I've got it in me I'm sure.  Just need to find it first!

Weight wise....weighed myself this morning and am the same as two weeks ago.  Would have liked to see some progress there. What is progress? Losing weight, apparently but willing to accept there is more to progress than that. Kind of. Yes there is. I think. There is. There is!! I am more than a number on a bloody scale!! Eventually this confidence malarkey is going to morph into some more weight loss action I am sure.  For the moment I'm just happy not to be stuffing my face with Kit Kat Chunkies because I'm frustrated by not being able to lose weight. I do see the paradox there, but at least I'm not stuffing my face with Kit Kat Chunkies.  So success there too.

So much of this weight loss game is between your ears.  I want to be back in the weight loss zone and get the job done, and I'm sure that I will be and that I can.  But I've gone past just wanting to be the skinny chick. I want to be the skinny, happy, confident chick. If being all three takes a bit longer that just being skinny...so be it.  I'm going for the trifecta and I'm going to win.

Onwards and upwards. That is all.