Going to try and keep this one brief today as I seem to be getting some bloody fluey thing not that long after getting some other bloody fluey thing and there are a few alarm bells going off in my head about a possible ME dip, which is not going to friggin' well happen. After a couple of OK years with it this year has been a bit of a struggle, I think due to a very, very hard winter here in the UK and me trying to kickstart a new business. Let's just say that pacing myself is not my forte but over the last few years I have had to learn or wind up with permanent viral ache and/or having to sleep all day. I repeat, not going to happen.
Very happy with the self hypno yesterday when I was non-hungover enough to do it haha. It is progress, and if I'm making progress, I'm happy. My normal inclination is to want to progress about eight billion steps forward a day but my inner Zen master tells me even one step forward a day is fine. This sometimes makes me want to tell my inner Zen master to go fuck themselves, but that's only because I'm annoyed that they're right. Also need to accept that some days one step takes the effort of about eight billion so don't knock the one when it happens. It's still forward, that's what counts.
Advice from hypno-dude on Friday was also to work on projecting positive body language. I am to consciously move as a positive person free of crap. I'm going to have to think about this one, not because I don't want to do it but I'm not totally sure how to work it in practice. I do know there are times I'm out where I just wish I could do what I have to do, not talk to anyone and go home and/or shrink into the background unnoticed where I am (apparently) safe. Realistically nobody who's five feet nine and seventeen stone can shrink into the background, particularly when they dress like me, but the thought occasionally comforts me while at the same making me want to slap myself stupid for such terrible logic.
The fat has definitely been a hiding mechanism and it says something that your mind can somehow lead you to honestly believe you can hide from the world when you are (as I was) 22 stone. What the actual fuck? You can't hide a moving target, let alone a bloody enormous one!
Was very sad to wake up this morning to news from Aus that Mandawuy Yunupingu has died. Mandawho Yunuwhat I hear you ask? He was probably best known internationally as the lead singer of Aboriginal band Yothu Yindi, but was also an incredible motivator and educator, somebody who worked hard not only to improve the lives of his own people, but for reconciliation and frankly in Australia that can be a hard road to hoe. I have to thank him not only for his work but for a song which has motivated me to get off my arse and sort myself out for the last twenty years. It's not his or the song's fault it's taking so bloody long. (Inner Zen master now reminds me about the one step. Persistent git.) RIP Uncle.
(By the way, please, please don't watch the vid to this, just listen to the song. Note to Youtube users...if you are going to do a lyrics vid, get the lyrics and spelling right!!!!!)
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