Seeing is believing

'You take what you get, you get what you please
It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees'
                       'US Forces' Midnight Oil

Feeling quite bouncy this morning and no that's not a fat comment.  I did a reasonably late night self hypno session last night which was focused on this new mind blowing concept of feeling at ease with myself and also eating like a thin person. Woke up this morning feeling epic! Have had my thin person breakfast and nuclear strength coffee and I'm ready to rock!

Later this week I have to provide a mid week report to hypno-dude with not only what I've done but evidence of progress. I am to provide concrete examples of how I am improving in the whole confidence-building stakes. I'm feeling too epic to say 'eeeeeek' but it does bring into focus a niggling thought in the back of my head from last week that it's all very well floating along on this fairy floss cloud of self help satisfaction, but the actual goal is to change my life...i.e. go out and do stuff I wouldn't or couldn't have done pre the self-help malarkey.

I think I've made progress, the kindest man in the world thinks I've made progress, hypno-dude thinks I've made progress and we are all intelligent, observant human beings so I'll take that. Admittedly the kindest man in the world is utterly biased where I'm concerned and that may affect his judgement to a degree. He just thinks I'm wonderful all the time, which is of course a crock of shit. He's upstairs asleep in the moment but I sense his lovely blue eyes getting that hint of steel as he pounces on my perceived self beating uppage. Nobody is wonderful all the time, not even me haha but it's nice there's somebody around who will argue to the death that I am.

So what is progress? Need to think about this one as the less shitting on myself from a great height part is good and feeling better about myself and my ability to change my life is also good. I am however the queen of pragmatism and as such I want to see practical outcomes of all these head games.  Weight loss is obviously one.  Not being terrified to get out and apply for a job is another.  I have a few business ideas I'm working on but need a bit of supplementary income while I'm sorting those out and honestly, I need the social interaction as well. I think I've mentioned before if I spend too much time at home, even productively occupied, the agoraphobia starts kicking in and that's not a road I want to go back down.

Confidence to keep chipping away at the business ideas is another one as I do tend to have a mental spasm occasionally and not work on stuff because I convince myself I and the ideas are shite.  They aren't shite and neither am I but every now and then I get that rabbit in the headlights feeling and freeze and nothing gets done.  You can see why I need this self help malarkey. I'll get there one day I'm sure.

There's plenty to be cracking on with there. Need to pick a couple of things I'm shit scared of and do them I reckon. I'm starting to feel the eeeeeek welling up underneath the epic.  The eeeeeek can go do one!! No surrender!!!

Missions for today: pick scary thing to conquer and think about how to conquer it.  Self hypno to power conquering of scary thing. Continue to have mind blown by concept of feeling at ease with myself. Seriously, it's been a revelation. I can feel at ease with myself?? Really??? No wonder I feel epic...